Saturday, March 19, 2011

The mother-in-law conundrum

A marriage made in heaven is the ultimate wish of every human being. During a time when the divorce rate is high, a perfect marriage is bliss. A couple is in love. The excitement is high. They spend a fortune and celebrate their matrimony in grand style.

Party for two days, at the wedding and the home-coming, they get back to their normal life. The future holds so many promises to this newly wedded couple. Some lovebirds live in their own separate houses and some continue to live with parents. When the latter happens, what can happen under normal circumstances, is some amount of displeasure. The legendary mother-in-law - daughter-in-law conflict begins with a little spark and then continues for a lifetime.

Unfortunately, this is something very common in homes all around the world. However, everything turns upside down when they live together. Why does this happen? Is there a solution? What is the role of the husband in such a situation? We interviewed some of our readers to seek their opinion on this popular issue.

“As I feel, the main reason for this conflict is jealousy and the lack of mutual understanding,” said Sanath, a 31-year-old technician. “Once I heard a story related to this issue, there was a mother-in-law in a family, who is said to be the jealous type. One day, the husband and wife decided to go out on a trip on their own during the weekend. When the day arrived, the mother-in-law had gotten ready before anyone else, with the intention of joining the couple on the trip. Luckily, the daughter-in-law was understanding and tolerated the mother-in-law. If not it would have ended up in a huge issue," he said.

According to Nalika, a 25-year-old schoolteacher, in many houses mother and son relationships are stronger than the relationship between a father and a son.

When the son ties the knot, and brings a wife to the house, his attention is divided between the mother and the wife. Things, which the mother used to do before have been taken over by the wife. When these chains of incidents occur, the mother begins to feel left out. This spurs the conflict.

"My mother is no more, but I have a stepmother. I spend every day of my life with quarrels between my wife and stepmother. I thought a million times to leave the house and live separately. However, I somehow keep my patience for the sake of my poor father. It is not easy to balance," lamented Dulip, a 34-year-old, Quality Assurance Officer.

"When the daughter-in-law and mother-in-law see each other often, the spark, and mutual respect diminishes over time. Then jealousy and anger comes into the scene. The best thing a husband can do at this point is to be unbiased. Else, it will be unfair on one party," Nimsha, a university undergraduate, said.

Kalhara, a father of two, opposes the idea. According to him, when a girl gets married, she gives her whole responsibility to the husband. Therefore, if he is not there when she is in need, she will feel helpless. "Living with parents can create many problems," he said. "First, the couple cannot show their love to each other while being in the house freely, they will be restricted to their room. The couple might not be able to leave the house whenever they want. They are bound to be questioned about it. This might give a feeling of dependency, making them frustrated. Often finding fault with the newly wedded wife is another problem, which can lead to major conflicts later," he said.

Once this clash is set in motion it is likely to continue for a lifetime. The best thing is, to use different tactics to prevent the conflict. The majority of people, who expressed their opinion, suggested that the best possible action to be taken is that the couple should live separately. Through this the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is distant enough not to see each other's mistakes and maintain a happy relationship. Once a relationship is damaged, it is very difficult to bring it back to normal. Therefore, think wisely about your plans before the marriage.

No comments:

Post a Comment