Friday, August 7, 2015

To my dearest little brother,

For this Sunday, it's been 2 years and 4 months since you left us for good. It's been a rough 2 years. I'm doing better as long as I don't talk about you or see our memories. Aren't I making progress? I did the mistake of going through your photos yesterday, and memories were refreshed. You'll never leave my heart. How can I forget the person I loved the most?! You knew that and you still left me. I feel like I've failed to be a good sister. I couldn't save you from anything that happened to you. 

I wasn't even with you for the last two years.
If only I made a serious effort to come see you when you begged for me to come, a week before you left. I came to see you anyway, but then all I got to see was your ashes in a pot. I'm sorry, I didn't come to see you that time. You told me you'll come to see me in August that year. Nothing matters anymore. 

I remember every little incident that made you cry. If I had known that we had very little time together I would have never made you cry. I would have even let you borrow my things, even if I don't like anybody touching my things. When the depression hit you hard, I prayed god to take you sooner. I couldn't see you suffer. Every time you got violent, I sat outside and cried. I didn't know what to do. 

I wanted you to get better sooner, and call me 'akki.' That's the only thing I wanted. Some days your voice over the phone raised my hopes up, but some days you had hit the rock bottom. But, you were always the sweetest kid I ever knew. You gave me the best hugs ever. 

Even when you had social anxiety, you still bravely sat at my wedding. Because you knew it was important to me. I was very proud of you that day. I still am. 
You were very brave. You conquered a lot of things in life and finally found peace. But, I love you and miss you like crazy. I know I'm being selfish to not to let you go. You are mine. You are my sweet little brother forever. 
I Love you malli, 


  1. Just read your post again....
    It's easy for people to say time will heal anything but it doesn't.
    We people can't just hold the "shift + delete" and refresh our memory..
    Why don't people understand the fact " we will not remember every thing. But never forget "
    Your post is a good eye opener for everyone.
    We all should live life and enjoy it...
    It's very rear that some one will live pass 30K days. It's a small number compared to all the other big numbers we talk about in life.
    Thank you for your post... may his soul attain the best possible level of life in all his births till he attain nibana.

    1. Thank you for the comment! Appreciate it so much.